SHASTRI SOOKDEO
Now I did always feel I could have make it as a cricketer. But the problem is it never had no big set of cricket to play in the village. We always had a nice ground and I really feel is one of the best one in the whole of Central. But all we could have play was in the village league and them. And nobody ever come and check for we. It had plenty fellas who went and play for big club all in Town and down South and thing. But you see me, I never wanted to go so far and play. To tell you the truth, even the club they have right in Central too far for me to go down and train two and three times a week. Me and this training thing was never friends. But I still telling you, even without training, I could have handle myself on any field. Is just I never get no chance.
Since everybody gone I can’t even get village cricket to play again. The grounds only there for cow and goat to walk and eat out the grass and shit all on the pitch. I see now, in front the pavilion, like somebody decide to plant lettuce. I can’t give them wrong. Because the likelihood of any cricket small, so why not use the land. It done there wasting.
It had a time a fast bowler I used to play with in the village team call Stone come check me. He wasn’t so fast but he used to bowl a heavy ball so when it hit the bat, it feel like a big stone hit it. When we used to play in the league we never tell that story, so people believe is Stones we calling him because he is a brave fella. Lucky for he that he used to bat so deep that nobody ever realised he ‘fraid fast bowling like cockroach ‘fraid fowl. Because even though things done change in big league cricket, we never shame weself by doing thing like bringing pace when a tail ender batting.
Anyway, he come from New York first time in years because he now get a green card. I don’t know how it does work over there, but like it have squatter’s rights for green card too. Because as far as I know, he hide and went and was living illegal in somebody garden shed the whole time. But I didn’t ask him all that.
He say, “Things nice in New York.”
“Man, if things was so nice in New York, then why you speed and come here as you get a chance?” I hold back a steups and tell him.
“Home is home. Must want to come back and see the place. But the place change.”
“You feel it go remain how it was just for you, or what?”
“You know what I mean. It don’t have to be so bad as how it is. Watch the state the cricket field in and nobody to play. In New York, we begging for space.”
“It have cricket up there?” That surprise me.
“It must have cricket. Half of the West Indies over there. And all them Indian and Pakistani too. I feel more people does be playing cricket than baseball.”
“The level good?” I was curious. “You roughing up men over there?”
I didn’t really feel the level could have be too high. I mean, is America and no matter who went, the fellas who was really good would have stay and play they cricket in they home country. You can’t be good and then go to a country that don’t take on cricket. If you was really good somebody would have hand you a contract and tell you stay.
“The level poor. All that cut-ass we used to get in the village league, if we went and play in New York with that same team we win out the league and them easy. Me and you alone would have share up all the wickets.”
“It too bad you have to play in a weak league so.”
But really, I only half feel it was good for him because he choose to go, so he get lucky to play some cricket. But the next half of me feel real sour because he gone and he still playing cricket and getting a chance to play like he a star there, while I can’t even see to reach a game. I don’t know if he lying or not, but if he could be picking up plenty wickets then I sure to and all. Because for all the heavy ball he does bowl he can’t swing the thing even if the whole sky full of clouds.
“All them Indian fellas I does play with always tell me they want to come down in the West Indies and play,” he tell me. “Them still feel we does play hard and party hard.”
“They don’t know is only rum and misfield you does get here,” I tell him, already laughing at my own joke.
“But serious thing, I really want to bring down a eleven to play. I know you want to take a knock if I could organise the thing.”
I hear this thing and couldn’t believe it. This man couldn’t tie he own shoelace when I did know him and now he playing manager. Once we tell him put on a wicket keeping pad to go and bat with for a joke and he really gone and do it. When he get a hard lash in he shin he still didn’t realise he wearing the wrong thing. And this is the kind of fella who want to plan thing.
“All you have to do is tell me when. I ready,” I tell him. But I didn’t believe this was a match that was ever going and happen.
“I need a little help from you to organise down here if you have the time. You remember Fat Man who used to score for we?”
“I must remember Fat Man. I think it still have some of he score book and them in the pavilion. Where he living these days?”
“I really don’t know. But I have a number for him. Call him. He was the master at organising.”
***
When I call Fat Man, he eh even ask me how I going or nothing. He start to talk like we does talk every day. First thing he telling me is he go organise everything like if he done know what going on. And so the only thing for me to do is make the team. I done don’t like that talk because I know I could play for any team, far less any kind of team Fat Man and Stones organising. But I hush my mouth until he tell me where he want me to come and train.
“All the way down in 500 you want me go?”
This man feel I don’t read the newspapers because it don’t have no way I was going down there. If I wanted to find myself in trouble, I couldn’t find a better place for it in the whole of Central.
“Don’t play like it far nah.”
“You see I have a car? I go have to tote all my big bag of gears in a taxi. And I hear taxi don’t even go there these days because they ‘fraid.”
“Nah man, that’s just talk. And don’t bother about no gears and thing. You walk with your whites and a box and we go fix you up with everything. Is bowl you coming to bowl anyway.”
“You feel I can’t bat or what?”
In all honesty, I really can’t bat too good. Even when I was young I hardly coulda see the ball in time to hit it when men bowling fast. Now that never matter too much because most of the fellas in the league had the pace of molasses going down a hill. Anybody with any real pace get pick up by a big club early no matter how deep down in a village league they was. One thing it have value for in the West Indies, since always, is pace.
“You bat if you want to bat, nah. But you know is bowling you have to do.”
***
When I went down in 500, I wear all the oldest clothes I could find and I put on my whites under them. I try and ask the taxi driver to drop me right outside the grounds but he wasn’t going off the regular route. Not for nothing. I couldn’t give him wrong. When he drop me by the corner, I walk so fast I nearly run.
Fat Man did done sit down on a chair by the nets. He face eh change at all but he get more fat now. Before he was the kind of fat where you make the joke that all runs is single with him. But like he living good since he gone from the village because he get so fat I doubt he could even stand up for long without getting tired.
“You know how to play cricket yet?” Fat Man tell me when I reach.
“If me eh learn before, what make you feel I know now?”
Sometimes when you meet up people from back in the day, it doesn’t have nothing you could talk to them about. People who gone and they whole life change so much, they doesn’t really have nothing in common with you again but the old days. And plenty people don’t like to talk about back in the day. I could understand that.
But with Fat Man, just like with Stone, I find I could drop straight back in a talk like we always used to have. It have people like that too. No matter how much time pass, you could always move with them like if no kind of time pass at all.
“Is I alone taking a net today or what?” I ask Fat Man.
“Yeah, is just you. The eleven so far is only you and Stone. We have to find a next nine. Stone say he go bring men down from New York when he coming.”
“But if is me alone you have, I could bowl how bad and you still have to put me.”
“Bowl, nah. We only have to put you on the field. If you bowl enough shit in the nets, you go find yourself stand up in third man whole game and not a over for you.”
Fat Man was talking like he was running the side. But he always used to talk so. He never could have play too good. But he had a good eye. If he see you had a problem, he go tell you exactly what to do to fix it. More often than not if you listen you go come out better. He could have make a good coach if coaching was only sitting down and watching.
I start to bowl, and all the while Fat Man laughing because I come to train in my whites.
“Like you feel is game you come to play or what? Or all your short pants have hole?”
I just bowl and didn’t stop to tell him nothing. Truth is, I like to train exactly how I go be for the match. If that mean plenty time I reach to play with dirt and mud all over my clothes already, is alright.
When I start to bowl, my finger and them feel like it make out of concrete and I could have hardly grip the ball properly. Not a ball turn in about the first fifty I send down. I nearly tell myself is the pitch but I know better than that. Because it don’t have no pitch down here that not spinning unless you in North. When I was playing regular I could have spin old ball or new ball, it didn’t matter. But it does take a while to catch back yourself.
The whole time Fat Man laughing at how I struggling.
“Like we go really have to play you as a specialist fielder. Or we go call you right-arm very slow.”
After a while I start to turn a few. I could feel my age coming for me. Because I not so old, but when I was in my prime I could have bowl whole day. Now, my shoulder giving me little trouble and I feeling it plenty when I bowling. So I ease up a little bit and gone to drink some water.
“Tell me, how I bowling? Bowling for wickets or bowling for stick?” I ask Fat Man.
“I see you still don’t have no variation.”
“Good ball don’t need to vary. Line and length.”
“You could still bowl. Is only practice you lacking, don’t worry.”
Now, I wasn’t so worried because I feel like bowling wasn’t something you could forget. But when Fat Man tell you something about you technique, is something to take serious, so I feel better once I hear him say that.
***
Few days after is me and he alone in the nets again.
“But you don’t have to watch me every time, you know. Don’t worry. It don’t have nothing here to thief,” I tell him laughing.
“Somebody have to make sure and tell you when you bowling for licks, in case you don’t realise and feel you is a star.”
I bowl for a little while and I catch the rhythm faster the second time. It still take me a little while before I get some to spin but not so long. But my shoulder giving me pressure still. Last time, it hurt whole day after, so I say is better I don’t push it.
“Fat Man, how the team looking?” I tell him when I sit down.
“Right now it looking like I might have to draft a few men from somewhere. But we go find a eleven, don’t worry. Stone done get he Indian and Pakistan fellas to come down. I hear so much want to come they had to turn away men.”
“Best Stone go and work for United Nations. I thought India and Pakistan don’t do nothing together.”
“When you living abroad, is only strangers. When is so, even the neighbour who you vex with whole time home, you ready to down and touch they foot there.”
Fat Man talk like he know all about living abroad. I don’t know if he really went and live abroad or he just talking like he know. Because he is a man who does play like he know everything about everything. I feel is only talk because men who go abroad don’t come back to live again.
“We go want you open the bowling,” Fat Man tell me.
“But you can’t see is spin I bowling or what?”
“When is the last time you watch cricket. Spinners opening bowling these days.”
“I can’t turn new ball again. I catching horrors to turn old ball.”
“Line and length, ent? Is not so you tell me? If you could hit the spot for me, I guarantee you three wickets.”
The way he tell me that, sound suspicious one time. Because plenty time people does say if you bowl good you go get wickets but to guarantee the exact number, people don’t talk so. I mean, they might say is a sure thing you go get the five-wicket haul but three? Nobody go guarantee you three wickets. If you was talking to yourself serious you wouldn’t even call three wickets exact so.
“Three wickets? So why not five?” I did tell him.
“Don’t get greedy now. Three is not enough?”
“Ten is enough. But serious thing, you buying and selling wickets or what? How you giving away three just so?”
“You telling me you don’t deserve three? Is none you want? You even want to bowl self?”
“I didn’t just now tell you is ten I want? And you feel I here working like a donkey to stand up in the field and not bowl? Talk some sense nah, Fat Man. Tell me what really going on.”
“You have to hush your mouth about anything. Nothing we talk here could go past these nets,” Fat Man tell me.
“But you know I is a man who don’t run mouth. Don’t study that.”
Fat Man is a man who can’t tell a story in a straight line. If I had to repeat it word for word what he did say, it go take about half an hour before we even come near the point. Because he is the kind of man if you ask him what the time is, you go hear a story about when people could have tell time by the sun and then why we need time for and by the time you done the time you ask for was a hour before. The man story does have more wrong turn than one of them Pakistani leg-spinners.
So the point of what Fat Man did say, taking away all the wrong turn and side story, was that is not just men coming to play cricket. Them Indian and them like to play cricket. All of we know that. But them over like to bet on the cricket and all. Now we like to bet on the cricket too. But in India they ban them from betting and you know when they say you can’t do something, it does make you want to do it ten times more. So when them fellas get to New York, them betting on everything. Whether is India playing Pakistan or whether is a primary-school match, them ready to bet. But the thing is, after you start betting a while, some fellas realise is not betting they like, is winning they like.
Now when you betting, it have nothing like a guarantee. You must lose. Just like when you playing cricket, is not every match you go win. None of we can’t guarantee a win for nobody. Even if is India playing Hong Kong and you know 99% of the time India go do the thing halfway and win easy, it go have one time Hong Kong go get away.
I used to fraid gambling like I fraid rum. Some people can’t stop. When you lose money one time on what was supposed to be a sure thing, it does hurt you. You doesn’t forget it so. And is like every one of them fellas have a thing like that on they mind. Because the way Fat Man say it, is like they want to guarantee they bets. Them want to script the whole thing like is a film.
For me, I don’t see the point in that at all. If you playing cricket, is to see what could happen, not to know what going to happen. I wondering why I go waste my time and burn in the hot sun when I don’t have no say in the matter. I did done ready to gone from this fix but then the man start to talk money and I had to really listen good.
First thing is he start to talk in US dollars so is already big money after you convert that. But the amount he talking ‘bout, even if you was living in America it would have still be good money. The kind of money you don’t hear ‘bout in village cricket. Forget hear, is the kind of money you don’t even dream about.
“But why them men want to come and put that kind of money in we hand. Them don’t know we,” I ask Fat Man.
“Serious thing, them wouldn’t have no time for we. But things kind of hot for them in America. You know them have rule for everything there. So the word about the betting get out and they ‘fraid if they keep going, police go hold them,” Fat Man say. “And for we, is big money, but them don’t even consider that kind of money.”
“But why here?”
“Is Stones and the rest of your partners and them. Them give them the talk that here don’t have no kind of rules and money does go long. And that’s not a lie. So this match—this is to check if they could start something.”
“How they know we go listen?”
“For that kind of dollars, you wouldn’t listen?”
***
When Fat Man tell me all this thing, it didn’t have long again before the match and I really hurt my head trying to see if I should drop out. Now I don’t have plenty honesty and I don’t always do the correct thing. But you have to be real stupid to always follow rule when you living in a place like this, because everybody go pass you while you stand up in line like you supposed to be doing. But that’s life and on the cricket field, is a whole different thing altogether. Cricket, you supposed to do the correct thing. I is a man always try and walk when I was out and never appeal for nothing that I didn’t feel was wicket.
So it hurt me plenty to have to think about playing this fake cricket. But money short with me and all. Money short my whole life. And is just one time I want to see what it go be like to have a little something in my pocket.
***
I could tell you a little bit about the match, but it go really be a little bit. Because I don’t remember nothing except the field was green and the sun was hot. I know I bowl and I know I didn’t bat. But I can’t tell you if I bowl good, who was there and what went on. Because my mind was thinking about what I go do with the money whole time.
I know the correct thing to do. It eh hard to know the right thing but knowing and doing is two different thing altogether. The correct thing is to take the money and do something with it. Cricket gone and pass me over because I never want to go too far. It must have other young boys in the area who don’t even get a chance to play no cricket and have talent hide away. The right thing is to have cricket playing again. To sponsor a league or organise some coach and them to come down and hold a camp. That is the best thing for everybody.
But I have to study what is the best thing for me.
